Orange: Infinite bottles of pop on the wall

Infinite bottles of pop…

(thunder crashes)

Nerville: I hope you have your seat belts on, guys!

(The fruits scream, the fruit cart crash lands near a mansion)

Nerville: Whoa! Well, I said I'd get us to Professor Plum's dinner party. Mission accomplished… I guess.

Apple: This is Orange's fault.

Orange: Me?!

Grapefruit: (to Orange) You distracted Nerville with that rousing rendition of "Infinite Bottles of Pop On the Wall".

Orange: That reminds me, I never finished. Infinite bottles of pop on the wall

Infinite bottles of…

Everyone Else: Shut up!

Midget Apple: Why is everyone saying "pop"? It's called "soda", people.

Grandpa Lemon: No, it's called pop.

Apple: Soda.

Passion Fruit: If we're gonna talk distracting, Marshmallow was dancing on the control panel before we went down.

Apple: Who's brilliant idea was it to give Marshmallow soda? He's already made of sugar, you guys.



Pear: Enough! Arguing isn't gonna get us anywhere. Nerville, how long will it take to fix the cart?

(Nerville looks at the damage done to the fruit cart)

Nerville: Uh… couple hours. Maybe longer.

(A lightning bolt destroys the whole fruit cart)

Nerville: Mabye a lot, lot longer.

Pear: Huh?

Nerville: I'm gonna sit back and see what I can do from here. You guys go on ahead. Tell Professor Plum I said, "Dandelion rainbow". He'll know what I mean.

(thunder crashes, the fruits go to Professor Plum's mansion)

Midget Apple: To think, Professor Plum lives in this big mansion all by himself.

Orange: It just seems bigger to you 'cause…

Midget Apple: No need to finish that joke. I see where it's going.

Apple: What's Professor Plum a professor of, by the way?

Pear: Theatrical design. But he's going for his master's in costuming.

Apple: His parents must be so proud.

Professor Plum: Oh, they are! (deep laugh, thunder crashes) Come in, come in.

Apple: (whispering) What's he laughing at?

Pear: Your guess is as good as mine.

(thunder chases, the fruits walk through a hallway of paintings and other types of art)


Pear: Marshmallow, try to keep it together, would ya?

(Marshmallow giggles, Apple sees a painting of a watermelon jab with a knife in a cage)

Apple: Professor Plum, your decor is… (chuckles nervously) h-how should I put this…?

Professor Plum: To die for?

Apple: That's one way to put it.

(A painting of a female orange has moving eyes that are looking at Orange)

Orange: Whoa!

Professor Plum: What is it, my fruity friend?

Orange: Nothing, I guess.

(Professor Plum laughs, the power goes out)

Professor Plum: Nobody move! You might accidentally bump into…

Orange: Oops!

Professor Plum: …the meat cleaver display.

(the power's back on and Apple has a meat cleaver on him)

Apple: Okay, guys, not cool.

Midget Apple: Who even has a meat cleaver display in the first place?

(Professor Plum laughs)

Apple: Why is he laughing?

Pear: I don't know. Just go with it.

(the other fruits laugh nervously, the fruits are at the table waiting for dinner)

Passion Fruit: Mmm! Dinner smells delicious.

Professor Plum: It's wonderful to have company. I do hope you like fruit salad.

Grandpa Lemon: Huh? Wh-Wh-What?

Orange: Fruit salad?

Pear: Uh, as a fruit, I'm kinda sorta on a strict no-fruit diet.

Grapefruit: It better not have tangerines, buddy. My cousin is a tangerine…

(the power goes out again)

Grandpa Lemon: Who turned out the lights?!

Midget Apple: It's the power again, Grandpa Lemon.

(the power's back on but Apple is not in his seat)

Passion Fruit: Hey, where's Apple?

Professor Plum: Strange. It appears he cut out of dinner. Oh, well, bon apple-tit.

(Dinner is revealed to be slices of Apple, the fruits scream in fear and run away)

Pear: Quick, into the Statue Room.

(the fruits enter the Statue Room, Midget Apple shrieks over a statue of green beans)

Pear: Relax, it's just a statue. A normal statue of a green bean.

Midget Apple: Oh, goody.

(The camera shows a life-like statue of a dead peach, Grandpa Lemon gasps)

Pear: Guys, can we stop getting scared by the statues? The sign literally said, "Statue Room".

Grapefruit: Uh, these aren't statues, you guys. They're real foods that have been stuffed.

Midget Apple: Wait. How did Professor Plum stuff real foods?

Grapefruit: Because he (Professor Plum)'s a serial killer!

Pear: That's ridiculous.

Grapefruit: Is it?

(The camera shows a life-like statue of a dead cereal box, the fruits scream in fear and the power goes out again)

Grandpa Lemon: Who turned out the lights?

Midget Apple: Eh, we're not going over this again, Grandpa Lemon.

(Professor Plum screams)

Orange: That sounded like Professor Plum.

Passion Fruit: Stay here. It might be a trap.

(the power's back on and Orange grabs a fork)

Orange: Or he might be in trouble. I'm checking it out.

Passion Fruit: I found Professor Plum.

(The camera shows Professor Plum's glasses and a pit)

Passion Fruit: Well, some of him, anyway.

Orange: Professor Plum is dead? That's the pits. (laughs)

Passion Fruit: But wait, if Professor Plum isn't the killer…

Midget Apple: That means it's one of us!

Passion Fruit: Wait a minute! I don't remember seeing Marshmallow in the Statue Room with us.

Marshmallow: Hooray!

Midget Apple: Um, she's accusing you of murder.

Marshmallow: Oh! Full disclosure: I never really know what's going on.

Pear: You're quick to accuse, Passion. Just like you were quick to find Professor Plum's body.

Grapefruit: I'll bet it was Orange. He tried to kill Apple with that meat cleaver.

Passion Fruit: (to Grapefruit) That was an accident. Leave Orange alone. We all know Marshmallow's unstable when he's had sugar.

Marshmallow: Unstable-unstable-unstable, unstable!

Grapefruit: You know, Grandpa Lemon is being uncharacteristically quiet.

(Grandpa Lemon is snoring)

Passion Fruit: Well, Orange and I don't trust you guys. We're going this way.

Orange: We are?

Midget Apple: Well, we're going this way.

Grapefruit: And I'm going in alone 'cause I'm a man.

(Grapefruit goes upstairs, Orange and Passion Fruit take the left side of the hallway and Pear, Midget Apple, Marshmallow, and Grandpa Lemon take the right side, Orange and Passion Fruit are in a library)

Passion Fruit: We can hide in here.

Orange: It's kind of dark, don't you think?

Passion Fruit: Think of it as romantic.

(Passion Fruit bumps Orange into an old record player and plays 1920's pop music)

Passion Fruit: See? Even the music is romantic.

Orange: Hm. How do I turn it off?

Passion Fruit: Oh, it's all right. Just leave it on.

Orange: I can barely see. I'll let some moonlight in.

(Orange and Passion Fruit go to open french doors)

Passion Fruit: Oh, Orange, it's breathtaking, don't you think?

Orange: I guess so, yeah.

Passion Fruit: This the least bit romantic to you?

(A ghostly wind blow out the candles making everything go dark)

Orange: Whoa! Guess that's "snuff" of that. (laughs) Let's try and find some matches. Passion? Passion?!

(Grapefruit screams in horror)

Orange: What is going on?!

(The camera shows a cut open grapefruit with a spoon)

Midget Apple: Grapefruit's been spooned! Oh, he shouldn't have gone it alone.

Marshmallow: Who could have done this?

Orange: Passion, where were you?

Passion Fruit: It was dark, so I went to find a flashlight. See?

Orange: Oh, okay.

Midget Apple: Maybe it was Grandpa Lemon.

Marshmallow: It couldn't be Grandpa Lemon.

Midget Apple: Why not?

Marshmallow: Because he's right there.

(The camera shows Grandpa Lemon juiced by a juicer in his sleep, the fruits scream)

Orange: Somebody juiced him!

Passion Fruit: Wait, are we sure he's dead?

(A lightning bolt vaporizes Grandpa Lemon and the juicer, the fruits scream again)

Midget Apple: Oh! Yep, pretty sure.

Passion Fruit: And where have you been, Pear?

Pear: Oh, uh, I got distracted by a butterfly, and, uh…

Passion Fruit: A butterfly? Really? That's the best you could come up with?

Marshmallow: Oh! I love butterflies.

Midget Apple: Grab that murderous Pear!

(the power goes out again)

Midget Apple: I swear, this power has the worst sense of timing.

(the power's back on again)

Marshmallow: Which way did Pear go?

Passion Fruit: What's that next to Grapefruit? Is that a footprint?

Orange: No, it's a fruitprint. And not just any fruitprint, it's a tiny fruitprint. Hey, where's Midget Apple?

(Orange, Passion Fruit and Marshmallow search to a different room)

Orange: Ew! Watch out, guys. I just rolled through a little puddle.

Passion Fruit: Puddle of what?

Orange: I don't know. But it smells like… (sniffs) applesauce! Midget Apple's still barely alive.

Midget Apple: Hey, that's Little Apple.

Orange: Who did this to you, Midget Apple? Was it Pear?

Midget Apple: The-The murderer is…

(A lightning bolt barbecue's Midget Apple turning him to black crisp, Orange and Passion Fruit scream)

Passion Fruit: Seriously? I mean, we're indoors.

Orange: We need to find Pear quick.

Passion Fruit: Um, Orange…

(The camera shows a side dish of sliced pears and a dip)

Orange: No! Not Pear!

Marshmallow: It's caramel dip.

Orange: Well, at least he died delicious.

Passion Fruit: Wait. We're the only ones left.

Marshmallow: The murderer has to be one of us.

(Marshmallow gets a fork, Orange gets a knife, and Passion Fruit gets a spoon)

Passion Fruit: What now?

Orange: I guess we all stay right here until the murderer forks over a confession. (laughs)

Marshmallow: (laughs deeply) Oh! Caramel plus pop was not a wise move.

Orange: Whoa! I know who the killer is.

Passion Fruit: Is it Marshmallow?

Marshmallow: Is it Passion?

Orange: Double no.

(Orange knocks Marshmallow into the fireplace, Marshmallow starts to laugh normally but soon starts to laugh deeply, a close up of Marshmallow reveals a zipper, the murderer is revealed to be Professor Plum, he jumps out of the fireplace and the Marshmallow costume turns to ash)

Passion Fruit: Professor Plum! It was you?!

Professor Plum: My plan was brilliant, perfectly executed. How did you know it was me?

Orange: Well, I'll tell you. Excuse me. I noticed something afoot when Marshmallow tasted the sugary caramel dip and he didn't get all sugar-sugar-sugar-sugar-sugar. Plus his familiar laugh suddenly sounded a lot like someone else's familiar laugh.

Professor Plum: (flashback) Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Orange: Besides, he wouldn't say "pop". Marshmallow-- as we all know-- is firmly in the soda camp.


Professor Plum: But when I faked my own death, you discovered a pit and everything.

Orange: Ah, that was no plum pit. But as we saw in the Statue Room, you do have a peach pit laying around.

Professor Plum: But my disguise… it was uncanny!

Orange: Yes, an amateur's costume would have a telltale zipper or seam, but not one sewn by a professor pursuing his master's in costuming.

Professor Plum: (groans) Done in by my own proficiency with a needle. Curses!

Passion Fruit: But wait, if it was just a disguise, where's the real Marshmallow?

Marshmallow: Yay! I wandered off after a butterfly, and then made friends with a dewdrop.

(The butterfly moves a candle holder which makes the fireplace move, first it reveals three other fruits then it shows Grapefruit, Grandpa Lemon, Midget Apple and Pear who are still alive)

Orange: Whoa!

Passion Fruit: Yay!

Professor Plum: No! You've discovered that all the murders were actually just special effects. But in my defense, how else is a professor of theatrical design supposed to hone his craft?

Orange: But where's Apple?

Professor Plum: Oh, his wasn't a special effect.

Apple: What?

(A lightning bolt barbecue's Apple turning him to black crisp)

Orange: Oh!

Professor Plum: You see… I invited you all here tonight to unwittingly be part of my thesis presentation, but now that you've uncovered everything, I'll never become Dr. Plum.

Orange: Sorry. Sounds like you're "plum" out of luck. (laughs)

(Professor Plum growls)

Passion Fruit: You solved the mystery, Orange.

Orange: Hooray for me!

Marshmallow: Hooray for everything!

(Nerville flies the fruit cart in reverse and accidentally crashes into the wall where the fruit are, Professor Plum is destroyed by the spinning propeller)

Nerville: Good news, guys. I fixed the cart. Bad news is I'm still a terrible pilot.

Passion Fruit: But I still have one question. You deduced the murderer wasn't Marshmallow, but how did you know it wasn't me?

Orange: Aw, it's easy. You're the nicest person I know. Of course it wasn't you.

Passion Fruit: This fire makes for some romantic lighting, don't you think?

Orange: I wrote you a song.

Passion Fruit: Really? I'd love to hear it.

Orange: Great. (clears throat) Infinite bottles of pop on the wall

Infinite bottles of pop

You take one down, pass it around

Infinite bottles of pop on the wall.

(Orange laughs, the fruits groan, thunder crashes)